What can you say?

I got a text today that my uncle is being taken off life support. My dad had mentioned earlier they might try it to see if he could breathe on his own so there was some confusion. I later found out that they were taking him off with the plans of leaving him off no matter the outcome.

Part of me is so thankful. Living in a nursing home with no quality of life at all is no way to live. And I can just imagine his entrance to heaven and my Mom standing with arms wide open for her favorite brother in law. But on the other hand I hurt. He was such a fun person and I know my dad is heart broken.

I also found out this afternoon that another friend has lost her mom. Oh what I would give for no one else to experience that pain. I know it all too well. Not wanting them to be sick anymore, but selfishly not wanting to let go. And then you realize you would take them any way you could have them as long as they were still here. Knowing you will miss someone for the rest of your life and looking down the road to how long that can be. Having every good memory be bitter sweet because of the absence that can't be filled.

I have had friends ask me what to say when they are talking to someone who has suffered loss. Like I am some expert. Let me tell you- I am not nor will I ever be the one to ask about saying appropriate things. My usual response however is that sometimes words aren't needed. That is the only way you can make sure you don't stick your foot in your mouth. In this situation there are just way too many things you don't want to hear. and even if it is not totally inappropriate it is still rarely comforting. because nothing is comforting.
so here is my answer to any and all "what can I say when my friend loses a loved one?" questions. Just say I love you and then be quiet. hug them. hold them tight. love them. pray for them- but keep it to yourself. cry with them- or without them. talk if they want to and about whatever they want to. or just be silent. some of my favorite people to be around after mama died were the ones who let me know we could just be silent.

I say all of this knowing full well I will stick my foot in my mouth some time in the future if I haven't in this post.

To Holly, and Aunt Mary, Dad, Deborah, Danny, Chad, and Cody- I love you. I love you very much! always.

The joy of a friend knowing exactly what you need without you having to say it.